Summer Is Not For Every Mom

So yeah, summers here and the craziness has begun - am I the only one who dreads this season? Maybe dread is too strong a word, but honestly...it's a struggle.  Everyone around me is waxing poetic about how great their summer break is going to be and how they are so excited for lounging around the pool, lazing the days away and I feel like I can't breathe at the thought of it all.  I am a routine-loving, schedule-keeping, task-doing momma and summer is just NOT the season for that type of ambition.  Add in the fact that I melt at any temperature above 80* and we have a recipe for (potential) disaster. 

I'm not sure how exactly, but every year summer break sneaks up on me. Maybe it's because it's sandwiched between graduations, weddings, lamb show and Memorial Day campouts but it seems like we're cruising through our school day routine - and one day BAM! it's the last day of school and we all lose our minds. Figuratively, of course :)

Here's the thing - I really want to enjoy summer.  I dream of days at the local pool, trips to the library or Wildlife Safari, hiking the falls, swimming at the river, visiting the local produce farms, camping and on & on.  I have visions of TV free days spent playing outside, riding bikes, reading books in the hammock and sitting around the fire pit at night....and perfectly behaved lovely kids with clean faces, matching shoes and no fighting. YEAH RIGHT.

I did say I was dreaming.  I guess for me, the thing that's hardest about summer is, I gotta let go of the expectations and just make the effort anyway, because honestly - I am the only one that will remember the fights or the messy house in the rearview.  My kids will love knowing their crazy, tight-wound, type A momma made an effort to enjoy them for the few months of summer break.

So here's to all the other summer-loathing moms out there!  Throw away your list, ignore the laundry and grab an ice cream - it's gonna be a wild ride.

If You Really Want To Be Rad {Like B-RAD}

This week has been hard.  I get so emotional thinking about the fact that you have just graduated high school - knowing all that we have seen you through over the years and it becomes hard for me to properly express everything I want to say.  I tried to write it in a card, tell you in a hug and let you know with a smile, but this is the only place that ever feels right. 

First, let me say I am so proud of you. It seems that's all I can really get out these days and I know you have heard it 1,000,000 times but it is true. You have made us all so proud!

I am a bit excited and nervous and anxious all at the same time to see what is coming next for you - and if I am being honest, a bit afraid. My heart breaks for all the heart breaks that I know this life can give. 

Weston was right when he said the next 10 years of your life are the most important. So many big decisions will be made in the coming years and all I really want is for you to have all that you really want.  But that's a tricky thing. Some of the biggest scars I bear came from the things I wanted most - or thought I wanted. It can be so hard to know at times.  And very often, the things we want most are the very things we should be running from. I think that's why God gave us family and community - to help us know the difference.

So here's the thing, I only want what is best for you and I will always be honest with you. Sometimes that will be hard...for both of us.  I know as a human and fellow finding-my-own-way-through-this-crazy-life adult you will not always (or ever) agree with me. I by no means expect you to heed every bit of advice or agree with every opinion of mine but I will share it anyway because I love you and that's what we do for people we love.  

There are so many things that have made you the "RAD" guy you are today - you are compassionate, genuine, loving and loyal. You pursue excellence with humility and grace. You are faithful, fiercely protective of those you love and (almost) fearless - {cause you know...needles} You are the kind of man this world needs more of.  I am invested in you and passionate for you to live the life you desire.

I am so thankful for you in my life & for all the championship moments I have been able to share with you so far.  I look forward to all the ones to come. Thank you for being a steadfast example and living an honorable life. I pray that God would continue to guide you and bless you with every good thing.

 Love, Ashley

How Many Mothers Does It Take?

I have been blessed enough to be called "Momma" for 11 years now and as I sat reflecting on all the years leading up to this one and all the years ahead, it struck me just how many "mothers" of my own I have been blessed with on this crazy-wild journey into motherhood. 

My mom - the one with whom I share my flesh and blood - labored me into this world, and I am so thankful for her love and patience with me over the years, but there are so many other women that have loved and labored over me.  Prayed and pleaded, grieved with me and grown me. Given an ear and a shoulder. Today, I want to honor them as well.

Moms like Roni that never bore her own baby child into this world, but loved me as her own.  Checked in on me, encouraged me, always gave the best hugs and the sweetest smile. Was always ready for a laugh or a good long cry. She has loved me well. She is my mother.

Moms like Laurie, with 3 girls of her own that was always okay with me hanging around. She drove me to soccer practice and track meets and basketball & cheered and whistled LOUD even though I was never any good...at any of it.  She was silly and good hearted and giving and patient and would bring me cough medicine and pray with me in the middle of the night when I wasn't feeling well at her house. She was always full of love and a little bit of mischief. She is a living example of what living your life for Christ looks like.  She has loved me well.  She is my mother.

Moms like Brenda, Verna Lee, Kathy, Sue and Susan who mentored me through the birth of my 2 youngest children.  They gave me confidence and assured me that I could do this mothering thing after such a long break. True Titus 2 women that taught me how to love my husband and children - and reassured me it was okay that those things didn't always come easy or naturally.  They were always ready with a smile and a hug and open arms to hold my sweet babies so I could breathe a minute.  They prayed with me through hard times, encouraged me, reminded me that I was not alone - that they had made it through these crazy mothering years and I would too. These ladies were constant and committed to me.  They have loved me well. They are my mothers.

Moms like Mary, who isn't nearly old enough to be my actual mom but loved me like a daughter. She gave me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on and always gave sound advice. She was honest with me and taught me to love the hardest of truths.  She counseled and consoled me into adulthood and through some of the hardest years of my life. Through abuse and eating disorders and all sorts of ugly, she has loved me well. She is my mother.

Moms like Ora. Moms who are moms and grandmas and the-last-of-her-generation matriarchs.  She was always sweet and just a bit sassy. My daughter bears her name and some of that same temperament.  I loved that she was never too busy or sick - even when she was. She quilted and sewed and painted and loved and lived every minute of her life until the end.  I miss her and I am so thankful she was a part of my life. She loved me well. She is my mother.

Moms like Bonnie, my gracious, kind and loving mother-in-law.  I am not kidding and only slightly bragging when I say I married into the best family ever.  This woman has raised amazing children and given me the gift of my husband, Eric, as the man he is today. She has intentionally loved and guided each of her children to love and follow hard after God. She has embraced me as her daughter and I am blessed by her in my life and the lives of my children.  She is hard working, smart, funny and hospitable.  She blesses me everyday. She has loved me well. She is my mother.

Moms like Marla and Kim that have adopted me as their own. There is no doubt that they love me. They are kind and encouraging - brave and loyal.  I know they are only a phone call or text away at any time. I know I can entrust them with the burdens of my heart and that they will wage war on my behalf at the gates of Heaven.  They have loved me well. They are my mothers.

As I write down these names, I know I could list many more and I am in awe of all the ways that God has blessed me through the years. Some of these women have moved towns, or onto another phase of life or even passed into Heaven, but they have left a lasting impression on my life and the way I approach being a wife and mother.  I pray that I can be that woman for others as I walk out my days and that my daughter is blessed with many, many amazing mothers in her life as well.

I will never be the same for having you in my life and I am so grateful.  So today, I want you to know that I honor you. I cherish the time spent together and all the lessons learned from you. Thank you for giving your time, prayers, energy and love. I count you as my mother and you are treasured.
You have loved me well. I am your daughter.

Happy Mother's Day!
Love, Ashley

Five Minute Friday: Mess

So, I have been reading Lisa Jo's blog for a while now and love her. LOVE her! I cling to her honesty and "realness" daily and know that she speaks His truth into my life. She is a big reason I have decided to write again. My real life friend Tresta at Sharp Paynes is the other. She is a beautiful, talented, gracious, real woman of God and I treasure her sweet words hand delivered to my inbox in a way she'll never truly know.  So, I have decided a good way to "get my feet wet" so to speak is to jump on the FMF (Five Minute Friday) bandwagon.  Every Friday, Lisa gives us a word prompt and 5 minutes to write freely and unedited. This could be dangerous - or hilarious. I like it :)

MESS

Mess seems to be the buzz word right now.  At MOPS we are learning to embrace our Beautiful Mess, my new book from Kristen Welch, Rhinestone Jesus is all about saying yes in my mess, the in(RL) webcast is encouraging us to use our mess to bless others and really all I want to do is hide this mess.

I have long struggled to see the beauty that I should know Christ has given me. I don't mean physical beauty. I mean the beauty that comes from a life lived for Him - a life lived for others. Somehow, I still can't see the value I bring into this crazy world of ours. I try and clean and tidy and organize and shine away every scuff mark of life to compensate for my mess that I perceive to be too great to be useful.  I can't see past the mess of my own life or mistakes or choices - and sometimes circumstances - to believe there is anything good I can offer.

And maybe I can't... I know I can't. All I can offer is the real-life true story of a broken and redeemed mess, and for today that is good enough.

For When You've Been Looked Over

Tonight was hard. I know you had expectations that your greatness would be recognized and I could see your heart sink as you realized that tonight was not your night. I am not a big fan of "participation awards" and "everybody wins" because everyone does NOT win. At least, not all the time.  But let me tell you something - you did deserve to be recognized for 1,000,000 reasons. You deserved to have your name called out, the walk to the front, the applause - you deserved it all.  I am not saying that the wrong kids were picked - only that you ARE great. I see you for all that you are and I. Am. Proud.  You are the kid with the brains, the good looks, the humor, and the stable family (Well, most of the time :p) and it doesn't occur to people that you might need a little encouragement.  It doesn't occur to ME enough.

I think you are amazing and it is unfair that I just assume you know that. As your Mom, it is my job to encourage you and cheer for you and not wait for someone else to do it.  So please know that I am proud to be your Momma and proud of the man you are growing to be, so here's your recognition. Your blue-ribbon. Your room of applause. Your hootin'-hollerin'-fist-pump-in-the-air-atta-boy... 

Max, You made me a Momma. You! Did you know your name means "Great One" or "The Greatest"? It is a very fitting name, I think. I am so grateful for you.  You made my dreams come true.  All I ever wanted to be was a Mom. I was so young and it is crazy to think that you are growing so fast. I have learned so much from you and I know I joke about it, but you really are my guinea pig. Thanks for being such a gracious one :) I have been blessed by you from the very beginning through  all the hard things and tough choices, YOU have given me hope in a future that I didn't dare dream of.  You are a daily reminder to me of God's faithfulness, Grace and Providence.  God could not have blessed me with a better first born.

You are the BEST big brother - smart and kind - and so much help to me! I know I can count on you to be a good example to your siblings and be a leader at school.  You bring joy to the lives of everyone around you and are adored by so many. You are polite, loyal, thoughtful and caring - a great friend to everyone. You are strong as an ox and as gentle as the lamb you have been tending to day & night for the past 6 weeks. I love that you don't play favorites and you don't leave people out.  You are artistic and imaginative, a talented athlete and incredible student. I love that you love books just like me and have such a hunger for knowledge.  You are adventurous and brave and noble and funny - and I love you.

I know you want to be the best at everything you do, but don't give up or count yourself out because you are afraid you'll fail or look silly. There are so many things worse than looking silly.  You can be amazing at absolutely anything you want. God has gifted you in so many ways that I am daily blown away by you and the abilities you have.  This is only the beginning - God has a plan for your life and I can't wait to see all the ways you bless people through Him in the future. 

So, take risks - try new things. Stay humble, and know that you are capable of ANYTHING & I will be here cheering for you through EVERYTHING. 

You are a great son, and I am one blessed Momma.

On Winning (& Losing) and What Actually Matters

We held you, and each other, and we all cried together at the heartache.  It hurts to walk away empty-handed. It hurts more when you're out of practice. For 4 years I have watched you put yourself on the line and selflessly offer up body and mind to fight and sometimes will another win.  39 wins in a row and 2 State Championship titles don't happen by accident. Or luck.

There is no doubt in my mind that the price you paid was high.  Four long seasons of start-to-finish-both-sides-of-the-ball football takes a toll.  I'd be lying if I said this year wasn't gut-wrenching.  We simultaneously cheered and held our breath at every hit, every tackle, every block.  We wanted you to win because you wanted it, and we knew that if and when the day came that you didn't we would be devastated for you. But, this is what I want you to know and it is the most important thing... we would never be disappointed in you.

Brad, you are an amazing young man. I know you carried the weight of the win on your shoulders into every game. I also know that it is no stretch to say you would have given anything to win just. one. more.  The heart that beats in you is one of strength and determination.  You live a life dedicated to those you love on and off the field.  There are so many things about you that were revealed on the football field, and they were ALL good.  Fiercely protective, loyal and selfless, strong and fearless. I am so proud of the way you represented our little town and our family. You carry some of the best traits of all the men in your family and I know they are proud of you, too. You are an amazing example and encouragement to so many. 

I know the pain of this week will fade slowly and there will be reminders now and then, but please remember these words as well.

We love you. We are proud of you. And I still want to B-RAD like #32 :)

I Suck The Joy Right Out Of Everything

I suck the Joy right out of everything. I do. It's just that way with me.  I have even adopted the motto, "It's not about having fun....It's about making memories." I have got some lucky kids, huh?  People laugh when I say that, and I am not sure if it's because they're impressed that I am actually admitting something they already know and the awkwardness of the moment causes them to giggle or because they think I am kidding....but I'm not. I am so Type-A that I tend to take any fun/adventure/Joy out of most situations that stray from our normal schedule.  My poor husband, he asks me regularly where my self-destruct button is and he is only half kidding.  He challenges me. He stretches me. He invites me into the craziness of life with a smile and an amazing sense of adventure & humor. He is a much better teacher than I am a student.  With him as a dad, my kids really ARE lucky :)

Ok, back to my point. Joy-Sucking....This really is one area of my life that I am daily challenged in. I am not content to live a life void of Joy, I am just not very good at living one (yet).  I have tried different ways to counter act this in the past and I have found that living a life of actively Giving Thanks is the most effective way for me to do just that.  I do well with this for a while and then I settle back into routine and old (bad) habits creep back in. I forget to thank God daily and profess His goodness throughout my day and my Joy slowly fades away.  In January I started the Joy Dare with Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience and have failed miserably in keeping up with it, mostly because I do not log into my blog everyday to update it. I am taking that tab down today and doing some serious revamping. (I will post more about that tomorrow.)

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." ~ Philippians 4:8

I was challenged in a new way yesterday as I read through Lil Blue Boo's website. You remember the one I told you about the other day...the one with all the amazing tutorials?  Well, I sat down to scour her site for inspiration and that is EXACTLY what I found, but not just the crafty kind.  I opened her main page and saw this stunning picture of a woman that looked a lot like Ashley H. (The owner/editor/designer for Lil Blue Boo) with a shaved head and a headline that read The Cancer Chronicles. I was immediately intrigued and my first thought was, "How cool, she shaved her head in support of someone with cancer."  I decided to click on the first post only to find myself completely enthralled with the telling of her story and her battle with a rare form of cancer. 

I read through 11 months of blog posts in a day. I was amazed and inspired.  I laughed a lot, too which is odd to say when you are talking about reading the story of someone's battle with cancer, but it's true. My husband came home from work and I was glued to the computer, laughing out loud every so often and he finally said, "What are you doing?", I reply, "Oh just reading this blog about a woman that has cancer." *Silence* I know he thought I had lost it then, but I read out loud to him for a few minutes and he understood.  Yes, Ashley H. has cancer.  She has cancer and a GREAT sense of humor.....and a sweet family, a thriving business, tons of talent, looks uh-MAZ-ing without hair, has an incredible and undeniable faith in Christ and His plan for her life, awesome friends, and JOY.  In fact, her motto is "Choose Joy" (Way better than mine...poor kids! Lol.) 

Please remember to pray for her as her body heals from the ravages of cancer & chemo.  Pray for her family and business to thrive in every way. Pray that the cancer will never return and that God will bless them with more children whether by adoption or surrogacy.  Consider supporting her by visiting her Shop or Facebook page, and please-please-PLEASE do yourself a favor and read through The Cancer Chronicles. You will be blessed and challenged.  I feel renewed today and empowered to make the choice to count my blessings & Choose Joy. To choose it and share it and live it.  So, thanks Ashley for sharing your story.  I kinda wish we were neighbors, I'd bring you a donut....or 12 :)

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