Bleary Eyed & Battle Weary

The last 3 weeks or so of this momma's life have been full and long.  I have been to at least a dozen doctor's appointments, comforted my sweet baby girl through 4 ear infections, made 3 visits to an ENT, 2 visits to Urgent Care, collected one "sample" (yuk), had to cancel a much needed date night, spent hours in prayer and had way too many nights with little to no sleep.  I am battle weary. I am tired. 

I have missed out on the quiet of nap time, since Maggie has been too fussy most of the time to really rest. I have missed blogging, having coffee with friends, talking on the phone with my mom, sewing, spending alone time with my husband and the list goes on.  I have sacrificed and I have cried out in frustration. But I have realized something.  As much as I try, I can't have it all.  At least not all in the same season.

  To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

² A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
³ A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
⁴ A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
⁵ A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
⁶ A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
⁷ A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
⁸ A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8~

What a comfort this passage has been to me. I almost always hear it at funerals.  When time is gone and we are searching for comfort to see us through the days ahead. But only recently have I considered the application of these verses to my everyday life.  What about the days we only feel dead, but our hearts are still beating? The days that seem so dark and long and full that we aren't sure we will live to see the sun rise?  Don't we need these verses then, too?  I do. Maybe even more. 

I can't have Spring flowers in the dead of winter any more than I can have an immaculate house with kids at home.  I can try my best, count my blessings and enjoy the season I am in now...whether the brightest Summer day or the darkest Winter night. Someday I will be able to write in peace, use the bathroom alone or have an uninterrupted phone call and I am certain that I will wish for just one more day of craziness.  A too-loud house full of wrestling boys and up all night snuggling with my sick baby girl.

The days are still long and full. I am still bleary eyed & battle weary, but I am renewed at this thought. My heart is a little lighter as I head into tomorrow. I will enjoy this season and the next....and the next.  I will praise God for every one He gives and every way He uses them to minister and teach me more about who He is.  God is good.

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