It has been a long day and a long few nights. I have been meaning to log in here and post about our first Veteran's Day Parade experience, but time just seems to elude me. It is almost 10:00pm and I am finally sitting down to the computer for some 'me' time and to catch up on some computer work. As often happens when I turn on my computer, I mindlessly open Facebook first to see what has happened with my friends and family over the past 24 hours and post my Thankful Thought for the day. (Starting the first of November through Thanksgiving, I am posting what I am thankful for each day as a way to prepare my heart for the coming season and keep in mind what the Reason really is.)
As I scrolled through the status updates from tonight I see that not one, but two of my friends has started a blog. Now, this shouldn't affect me. I know a lot of people who currently blog and I enjoy them immensely. I am no writer and certainly in no competition. As a matter of fact, at this point only about two people even know I have a blog! I started this project as a way to get my thoughts out and sorted and as an outlet for all the things swirling around in my head. If it gets read, great! If not, no problem. So why do I instantly feel insecure?
Why do I feel the need to pour over their effortlessly beautiful writings and endlessly critique my own? The need to compare and find that I come up short of my own expectations? I only end up feeling 'less than' and not enough. Not spiritual enough, smart enough, eloquent enough...take your pick. Why do I waste time trying to determine how I measure up to their skills as a mother, communicator, wife or scholar. The whole process is completely maddening! It is a mindset that I fall into almost unwillingly. It is a mindset that I am working hard to overcome.
The truth is, we all compare at times and it only causes frustration, depression and despair. But the most beautiful truth is, there is no comparison for you! God made you (and me) perfectly imperfect in our own skin. He made us all messy and all beautiful...all together. He made us flawed and wonderful, different and the same, strong and weak and with a plan for each of us. I may not have the same skills or talents as you, but that doesn't mean that I have nothing to offer. So I will keep writing, maybe someday someone will read and hopefully we'll both grow. You & me together...the apple and the orange.